If there is one moment in our lives that changes the entire trajectory of it, it’s the end of a long-term relationship. Suddenly, everything you thought your life would be has been flipped on its head and done a U-turn.

The aftermath of leaving someone you’ve spent a significant portion of your life with can be tough and upsetting, but it can also bring about enlightenment – like it has for me.

Being “alone” has forced me to evolve, face fears, and develop a new level of independence that I never thought I would have. I want to share with you my personal journey of evolution since leaving my long-term relationship—highlighting the lessons learned, the growth experienced, and my newfound sense of self-discovery!

Facing My Fear of Motorways

You read that right – I was terrified of driving on motorways. I grew up in a very rural area where the only dual-carriage way was over twenty miles away! When I learned to drive, I didn’t go anywhere near a motorway – I had no reason to! My ex-partner always drove if we headed anywhere as a couple, it was easier for me to ride shotgun and avoid facing my fears altogether.

But since I left, I have pushed myself to travel further and get comfortable behind the wheel on larger roads. Just last month I drove to a London airport, something I would never have considered doing before. And yes, it really wasn’t anything to worry about—as usual, my fear was irrational.

DIY – It’s For Everyone

I bought a drill, I learned how to use it, and now I don’t have to wait around for a man to hang shelves for me. It wasn’t as complicated as a man would sometimes have us believe. Whether it’s a way for a man to feel useful or not, hanging shelves and putting furniture together really isn’t all that bad. Maybe I didn’t try hard enough to learn while I was with my ex, but I’ve had no choice now but to pick up the drill and become the DIY queen I’ve always wanted to be.

Re-Connecting With Mates

By far, one of the best things about leaving my relationship was spending a hell of a lot more time with my friends. We’ve headed to festivals, travelled abroad, been fuckin CLUBBING? I hadn’t been to a club in years, but I had one of the greatest nights out in a very long time. I no longer feel obliged to take my ex-partner with me on PR trips, I get to take my pals—and I feel closer to them more now than ever.

Prioritising Responsibility

When you surround yourself with massive twats, you’ll probably end up being a massive twat, too. I was engaging in a lot of reckless behaviour, drinking more than necessary, participating in unsafe activities—all things I had never engaged in before my relationship. Bad influences don’t just exist as “mates”, they come in the form of partners too! Since leaving my relationship, I no longer drink excessively and have adopted a far healthier lifestyle.

I’ve Set new Boundaries

I found myself re-evaluating the boundaries I had previously set in my relationship. I settled for far too little, and the newfound clarity of being single for the first time in seven years has allowed me to set new, healthier boundaries in all aspects of my life. I won’t settle for anything less than what I deserve, and I feel no shame in telling people that.

My own needs are MY priority.

In conclusion, leaving a long-term relationship is undoubtedly a challenging experience, but it’s also an opportunity for immense personal growth. As I reflect on my own experience, I realise that the end of that chapter marked the beginning of a new, more authentic version of myself. I couldn’t be happier with the progress I’ve made in the last 6 months.