I have to be honest, I didn’t really know what a narcissist was until I started therapy — or how many of them I’d encounter in my life. I believe there is a touch of narcissism in all of us, because at the end of the day, we are told to look out for number one: ourselves.

But there are people out there, some I’ve had the unfortunate ordeal of being in a relationship with or friends with, who possess a level of narcissism that will make being close to them a draining and sometimes downright abusive existence.

Thankfully, through a little self-reflection, healing, and therapy, I was able to leave a long-term relationship with a narcissist — trading it for a life of freedom, inner-peace, and self-love.

I wanted to share with you the earliest signs of narcissism in a potential partner or friend that should make your weary of their intentions. These characteristics may fall on a spectrum, so I’m not saying write them off entirely, but just be cautious of behaviour and how it could progress further down the line.

Grandiose Behaviour

If they constantly exaggerate their achievements, talents, and importance without acknowledging or asking about yours, you’ve probably met a narcissist. People can be proud of what they’ve achieved without it sounding like, “I’m so fucking impressive and better than you”.

Constant Attention Seeking

Narcissists crave attention like a child craves sugar: they’ll go to great lengths to be the centre of attention and might even hijack conversations or interrupt people to talk about themselves. But god forbid you ever interrupt them!

Lack of Empathy

Empathy might as well be a foreign word for a narcissist. They struggle to understand or care about other people’s feelings, making them insensitive and self-centred. In my opinion, if being upset or hurt doesn’t affect them, or they appear distant and unbothered by the fact you’re upset, then they severely lack empathy.

Grade-A Manipulation Tactics

They are MASTERS of manipulation. They know how to charm and deceive, so be cautious if you find yourself questioning your instincts around someone. Here are some of their favourite manipulation techniques:

• Gaslighting – Frequently using gaslighting to make the victim doubt their perceptions, memories, and sanity. They may straight-up deny events, twist facts, or make the victim question their own reality, leaving them feeling confused and powerless.
  
• Blaming the Victim – Instead of taking responsibility for their shitty behaviour, narcissists will shift the blame onto the victim. They might say things like, “You’re too sensitive,” or “You’re overreacting.”
  
• Discrediting Professionals – You read that right, if the victim seeks help from a therapist or counsellor, the narcissist might try to discredit the professional or convince the victim that they are wasting their time seeking support.

A Craving for Validation

The narcissist in my life would FEED off compliments and validation. Some are constantly fishing praise and becoming irate and stroppy if they don’t get the recognition they believe they are so entitled to. Sadly, life is easier when you feed into their ego.

Inability to Handle Criticism

Constructive criticism is a foreign concept to a narcissist. They can’t handle it, often responding with anger or defensiveness. How dare you suggest they didn’t do something or behave in a way that isn’t absolutely perfect.

Weaponised Incompetence

What better way to gain control or avoid accountability than by feigning uselessness? They might act helpless or incapable of handling certain aspects of the relationship meaning the victim is then forced to offer continuous support and /or just do shit for them because it’s “easier”.

I get it, we’re all imperfect, and that’s okay—because being self-aware of your imperfections is what allows you to work on them. Narcissists simply deny their short-comings. Knowing how to spot a narcissist can help you protect your well-being and emotional health. Stay vigilant and stay authentic to yourself!