“I bet you love your mullet being pulled during”

A message I received in my DMs just the other day. One among many that sexualise me because of the way I choose to dress and decorate my body.

“I bet you’re so f*cking kinky” and “when you gonna start an OF,” despite my feed being almost entirely style based with the occasional sponsored swimwear or underwear post.

Obviously, I know being an online presence doesn’t come without its drawbacks -unsolicited opinions and comments about the way I look or present myself is and always will be a part of being on social media (because people just suck sometimes.) But why do women with an alternative appearance, or any appearance that doesn’t comply with society’s expectations, almost always get subjected to harassment and fetishisation of some sort?

I remember one particular time, when I was just eighteen, a former manager of mine asked me to “cover up” as my tattoos were visible on my arms. Apparently, I didn’t want to give off the “wrong impression” to our customers. I wish I had asked exactly what he’d meant by that particular remark – what “impression” did he think my tattoos gave off?

I’ve lost count of how many men have asked me if I “enjoy pain” because they could see my nipple piercings through my shirt. Or how many have asked if I have any “secret” tattoos I can show them, usually accompanied with a sleazy wink that makes me want to gag. I’m wondering what it is about body art, piercings, unconventional hairstyles and an alternative fashion sense that leads people into believing they have a free pass to make inappropriate comments or ask personal and sexually charged questions. I can assure you right now, sir, that you do not know my sexual preferences based on the fact I have my nipples pierced.

Goths, rockers, and punks (to name a few) seem to be routinely oversexualised online for what, exactly? Not conforming to society’s perception of what is considered “attractive” or “sexy?” It stems back to alternative subculture being associated with rebellion, non-conformity, and a rejection of traditional beauty standards which, over recent years, has made people appear unique and therefore alluring to others. It’s like they say – some people just love a “bad girl”.

A study by Psychology Today had some dudes perceive women with and without tattoos. The results showed that the women with ink were perceived as more promiscuous yet less attractive than the non-inked women. Essentially reducing tattooed women to sexual objects. So what does that mean for women like us? Well in the same study, it showed that women sporting visible ink were solicited by men 23.67 percent of the time while women without tattoos were solicited 10 percent of the time (a percentage that is still far too high!)

So, despite alternative girls being deemed “less attractive” according to the opinion of a group of men we don’t care about, we are somehow sexually propositioned and harassed more than those adhering to more traditional beauty standards. It likely links back to the harmful stereotype that claims modified women are more “rebellious”, less pure, and less feminine – and therefore easier to obtain as a sexual conquest.

I see my body as a canvas – I’ll decorate it with art and piercings as a way of expressing myself, but that doesn’t make it a commodity or an art exhibition for people to comment on. Sexualising anyone (with or without modifications) is disrespectful to an individuals’ autonomy over their bodies regardless of how “good natured” it’s intended it to be. I can promise you, your sexualised remarks are not the compliments you think they are.

x