Men. They will gush over female celebrities and online creators. Liking every photo and flooding their comment sections with love and appreciation… Harmless, right? But then, she dares to post a sponsored or collaboritve post with a lingerie or swimwear brand. Suddenly, she’s a “sellout” and subject to slut-shaming comments. Eh? Why does admiration quickly turn to disdain the moment a woman profits from her appearance or sexuality?

Here is one of my recent Instagram story posts that got some of you riled up…

The text reads:

“Let me introduce you to ‘passive objectification’

This is a man who engages with every single one of my posts, usually compliments aimed at my appearance (fine, whatever).

This man (and many others) has been passively objecting me for a long time, meaning he is comfortable admiring me so as long I remain in a role of “innocent beauty” and “free entertainment”.

When I take control of my image in a way that makes me money, i.e. using my appearance or sexuality, suddenly, this man turns on me. Why? Because having agency over my own body threatens his implicit expectations that I exist solely for his benefit and enjoyment, and not for my own empowerment or profit.”

The objectification vs. agency problem

Basically, some guys are perfectly fine with admiring women as long as we remain “passive.” They like feminene beauty when it’s free and accessible—when it feels like it exists solely for them. But the moment a woman takes control of her image and starts profiting from her appearance, that dynamic flips.

It’s no longer just his gaze or approval. Now, she’s in control of her narrative, her body, and her paycheck. And for low IQ blokes like him, that’s deeply unsettling. The idea that her beauty isn’t for them—but for herself—throws them the fuck off.

It’s a love-hate thing

Society has a love-hate relationship with women’s sexuality. We worship lingerie models on posters, in films, and on Instagram—until those women are unapologetic about owning their power or making money from it. It’s the classic “Madonna-Whore Complex,” where we are “good girls” who deserve respect or “too sexual” and therefore fair game for shaming. Spoiler alert: this is a game we cannot win.

So, when an influencer posts a lingerie ad, some men might suddenly see her through that judgmental lens, even though her content hasn’t really changed. It’s not about what she’s wearing—it’s about the double standard.

Insecurity drives it

Be for real, some of this hate is rooted in insecurity. When a woman is paid to do something as simple as look lovely in lingerie, it can highlight what these men feel they lack. Maybe it’s financial success, confidence, or just clout. Whatever it is, seeing women thrive makes them uncomfortable. But instead of reflecting on their own feelings, they lash out at them. It’s easier to say, “She’s a sellout” than, “Wow, I feel really inadequate.” Beautiful women make me feel inadequate every day, but you don’t see me chatting shit. It’s the internet.

Internalised shame about female sexuality

There are a lot of dudes who were raised to have conflicting feelings about women and sexuality. ‘Desire them, but call them a slut when that desire isn’t for you.” It’s a cultural paradox and it shows up here in full force.

Admiring a woman’s beauty feels ok when it’s low-key or “innocent”, but LiNgErIE ads?! That crosses into overt sexuality, and guys just haven’t unpacked their feelings about it. Instead of celebrating a woman’s confidence or success, they judge her for stepping into her power.

Fear of female independence

You know it, baby! We can’t have women profitting off their beauty; that threatens the outdated patriachal idea that everything we do is for men. Please sense the sarcasm. But yes, a women stepping into indepence threatens the old-age notion that we depend on men for financial stability. Some dudes ahven’t caught up with the times, and this really hits a nerve.

What’s the lesson?

This pattern of behavior says more about the men doing the judging than the ladies they’re targeting. It’s a reflection of insecurity, societal conditioning, and unresolved feelings about female empowerment. If you’ve noticed this kind of behavior in yourself or others, it’s worth digging deeper: Why does someone making money off their appearance bother you? Why does her confidence feel threatening?

At the end of the day, we have every right to profit from our own image and success. Instead of tearing us down, let’s unpack the double standards and celebrate all womens’ wins. There’s room for everyone to thrive—whether we’re in lingerie or not.