I don’t know about you, but one thing I’m particularly cautious of when dating is how someone talks about their ex-partners. If I hear anything along the lines of, “she’s tapped” or “yeah, she was a psycho” – then just know I will be walking away.

We’ve all had relationships that end badly, and as tempting as it may be to badmouth our ex’s, it’s not going to do us or any prospect relationships any favours. Especially if you’re dating women.

Don’t get me wrong, there are people out there of all genders who are suffering with complex mental health issues as a result of chemical imbalances, childhood trauma, sexual trauma, and a magnitude of other factors that can negatively impact someone’s mental state. But calling these people “crazy” is damaging, especially if they identify as female.

And I’ll tell you why.

It Enforces Negative Stereotypes

Labelling your ex “crazy” based on their emotional reaction to your poor treatment of them can perpetuate the stereotype that women are just overly emotional, irrational, or unstable. It’s an attitude that totally undermines the validity of a person’s feelings or concerns, implying that their emotions are not valid or rational.

It’s Gaslighting

Calling them “crazy” is a form of gaslighting—their emotions and experiences are manipulated or invalidated to make them doubt their own reality. This can be used as a way to control or manipulate them and avoid taking responsibility for one’s own actions.

Sexist/Misogynistic Language

It’s no secret that “psycho” and “crazy” are words that have been used to diminish and control women for decades. It reinforces unequal power dynamics between men and women, and contributes to a broader societal pattern of discrimination against us.

Invalidating Mental Health

It essentially contributes to the negative stigmatisation surrounding mental health issues—implying that anyone reacting that way MUST be irrational and not of a sound mind. Honestly, it’s a go-to tactic for someone trying to deflect others from taking the ex-partner seriously.

A Total Lack of Empathy

Labelling someone “crazy” is a twisted technique used to avoid understanding or empathising with their feelings, opinions, or experiences. Totally hindering productive communication.

Double Fucking Standards

A women will be labelled crazy for the same emotional reaction a man has to something. We are judged far more harshly for our emotions which pushes that awful gender bias. This where the saying, “boys will be boys” stems from.

It’s so fucking important that we use language that respects and validates individuals regardless of their gender. Instead of using derogatory terms like “crazy,” it’s better to engage in open conversations about behaviours and past relationship experiences without resorting to harmful labels and stereotypes.